I let go

For those who thinks that they’re not good enough for the one they love.

For those who wakes up in the middle of the night, feeling alone and lonely.

There’s gonna be someone for you. It’s out there. The right person in the right time.

—

We’ve been walking on this park for almost an hour. The weather is pretty nice, so there are few people on this park, but not too crowded. Let’s say this is one fine afternoon. The woman who walks in front of me is busy with camera in her hand.

Click. She took a picture of a blooming flowers.

Click. She took a picture of a kid who’s running after his mom.

Click. She took a picture of the sky.

Click. She took a picture of me.

Click. Click. Click. The object is still the same.

This is it.

This is the time.

I can’t wait any longer. This woman is still standing in front of me, smiling. Her eye is not on the lens anymore.

“Ra, there’s something I want to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“Let’s end this.”

The smile on her face is gone.

“Let’s end this. I can’t do this anymore.”

“You can’t do… what?” she asked with trembling voice.

“I don’t… I can’t love you. I know that you love me that much. I know that you will do anything for me. You know that you’re also special for me, but it’s different. I tried so hard. I… I… I just can’t. I can’t love you.”

Great, now I feel like I’m a monster.

She is my childhood friend. We’ve been together for almost 20 years. She stays through ups and downs. She is an amazing woman. She graduated from prestigious law school. She has an incredible career. She’s so skilled at everything. To put it simply, she’s perfect. Except for one thing.

She loves me. But she can’t make me love her.

I tried to, but I failed. So many times.

“I knew it…”

I swear I can see tears in her eyes are ready to raining down. She didn’t finish her sentence yet.

“…but I love you.” Instead of burst into tears, she smiles.

Can you imagine how she drives me crazy?

I shatter her heart into pieces until there’s nothing left, but she still smiles.

And for-god-fuckin-sake, she still said that she loves me.

“I don’t care if you don’t love me back. This is my choice.”

I lost my mind. Everything doesn’t make sense anymore.

“Did I ever ask you to love me back?”

Now, I think she breaks my heart more than I break hers.

I let her go because it was selfish to keep her around with no intention of loving her.

I let her go because I’m giving her a chance to meet someone who loves her as much as she loves him.

The idea of being alone might be scary, but the thought of making someone lonely when they’re right beside us is horrible.

“Ra, I appreciate your feelings. But, let’s don’t do this, okay? I’m leaving you.”

I walk away, and I can hear her sobbing painfully behind me. But I keep on walking away.

She might be perfect.

But you know what?

Perfection is nothing when it comes to love